You Don't Know Jack

Happy 3rd birthday

2010-05-18T19:09:00.003-05:00

SHE'S TOUCHING MY STUFF!!!!

2009-04-26T23:45:00.005-05:00

All right, this chick is getting out of hand. I have to vent, and the old man say's his insurance doesn't cover a shrink. How, by the way, is that possible? Are we those "disadvantaged" people I hear about on the news when they don't think I'm listening? I may be young (Happy 2nd Birthday to me, by the way!), but even I know that they assign you a head doc when you cross the state line of California. This place is full of more nuts than a bowl of kung pao chicken. I'm so mad I can't think straight - where was I going with this rant? OH YEAH - CAITLIN! If I want to play with Farmer John and the Farmhouse, she wants to play with it. If I want to smack the balloon around, she wants to smack the balloon around. The worst of it is - she is days away from walking. A couple of bad things about that:

1. She will be better able to follow me around

2. I will probably lose the ability in short order to comment on the size of her thighs. I dropped 3 pant sizes once I started walking, I'm sure she will do the same.

I don't really know where to start with what's new, so I'll go with a list.

Jacks List of Things He's Thinking About

1. I am no longer a resident of the greatest city on planet Earth. The city that gave us skyscrapers. The city of broad shoulders. The city that gave us deep dish pizza, the best hot dog in the world, the greatest professional football team of all time (1985), and, I might add, a certain someone with the initials J.T.D. That's right, the old man finally sold the only place I'd ever called home in Chicago. No turning back now, I'm a Californian now. With that, I have stopped cutting my hair, gotten an earring, become a vegetarian, and started wearing sandals. I'm serious about the sandals part. WHAT?!?!? Old man just told me there might be an issue with hot dogs, so I'm backing out on the vegetarian part.

2. I got a haircut - my first one. This was before old man closed on his condo in Chicago, so it will be the last. I'm gonna be a surfing, skateboarding, guitar playing hippie! As you can see from recent pictures, there still isn't much there, and I'm sure the SoCal sun will keep it blond for the summer.

3. Elmo - I'm over him. Cookie Monster is the man! That guy talks in incoherent, short sentences and eats like a....cookie monster! (mom thinks it is funny when I eat my pasta like the cookie monster) I have also taken a liking to Curious George and Mickey Mouse. My all time favorite today - THE BIG, BAD WOLF!!! Have you seen him huff? Have you seen him PUFF!?!

4. I don't like the Cub's chances this year. Do not tell the old man you heard this from me.

Update?

2009-02-06T17:59:00.005-06:00

I just woke up from a nap, and I'm a little cranky. Seems "Anonymous" wants an update. I don't know what to tell ya, I'm a busy little man and I don't have time to do all this typing. Haven't you heard - there is a recession going on!!! I can put a few more pics for everyone to take a look at. We've been spending a lot of time at the beach lately, especially at sunset. I know, it's February and I shouldn't be rubbing peoples nose in it, but "Anonymous" wanted an update!!

I would like to know the old man's intentions with the hat he has on. Notice it is not a Cub's hat. He claims it's the first non-Cub's hat he's had on his head in 20 years. I think the winter sun is affecting his faculty's.

There has been a bit of a lull on the exciting news front. Grammy Bailey and Pop Pop Bailey left for a few days, then surprised me and came back after an ice storm hit Kentucky and shut the power off. Everyone keeps talking about earthquakes, fire storms, and droughts here in California. Heck, I'm starting to think I'll take my chances with that vs. snow storms, sleet, ice storms, tornadoes and 97% humidity. That being said, I think the first earthquake I feel may cause an early diaper change. I'm rambling, aren't I?

Caitlin is getting her bottom teeth in. Bout time. For the record: First teeth for Jackson = 4 months. First teeth for the princess: 7 months. Scoreboard, baby. She's actually (knock on wood) starting to sleep a little better too. Maybe the old man's hair will go back to black again?

January - the coldest month of the year....SUCKERS

2009-01-24T17:27:00.003-06:00

Well, now that we got the Holiday's all wrapped up there isn't much to look forward to but Opening Day at Wrigley Field and my birthday, is there? Well, maybe yes - maybe no. Mom has been managing to keep things lively around here. Matter of fact, just today she took me to the San Diego Wild Animal Park. I have uploaded a video to show you just how brave a man I have become. Let those future boys who dare to speak to my sister lay witness to my feat of strength. You are about to see a demonstration of courage the depths of which humankind has not seen since.... those dudes from that 300 movie. If you are squeamish, please prepare yourself as you watch me tame the wild beasts that are only held back from destroying mankind by barbed wire and electric fences. I can not stress this enough - DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWXuYpyupFA

I don't even know what else to do. I tried uploading it, and it didn't work. So I asked my grown adult Mr. Big Shot college grad father to help me out and he was as succesful as a 1 legged man in a butt kicking contest. Hopefully that link will work. There are a lot more pics to post, but it will have to wait. I want to take a nap. Taming wild animals takes it out of a fella.

Christmas time in San Diego

2008-12-25T16:53:00.010-06:00

Merry Christmas everybody!

I hope Santa was as good to you as he was to me - provided that you deserve it, that is. Man, oh man was the big boned man in the red suit spot on with the gifts this year! I got stuff I didn't even know I wanted! I'll circle back on Christmas morning in a little bit.

To get you frequent readers up to speed, I have just about settled in. I no longer go looking for my coat and hat every time I want to go "owside" (my pronunciation). We have been doing a little s

ite-seeing, and acting like tourists. I figure I gotta show my Grandma and Grandpa bailey a good time while they are out here. I took them to the zoo:

Obligatory shot of Ling-Ling or Zing-Zing the panda to the side:

My little sister continues to get bigger as well.

She is sitting up by herself now, and will be 6 months old on the day after Christmas. I'm pretty sure I was walking by 6

months, but I'll have to go back to the blog archives to double check. Here she is just the other day.

I don't think I had the right exposure on when I took this shot. Actually, since she is my sister, I'm allowed to say

this. This is one of the last shots this camera took before the lens broke. Seriously. I don't think I'VE ever broken a camera before.

I'm gonna half to stop for a few minutes. I seriously need a nap. Between riding around in my new Jeep, playing with my remote control Jeep, and playing with my small Jeep that you push around on the floor, I'm beat. Hard to believe mom's dad (pop-pop Bailey) retired from Chrysler. I keep telling him "I'm a Ford man", but whatever.

I'll be right back.....

Ahhhh....I'm back, but probably not for long. We have company coming - the Stevens family is on the way over. Rumor has it we are going to the Wild Animal Park today. I hope the old man doesn't taunt the gorilla's. Again.

So anyhow, back to yesterday and the day before. We headed down to the beach for a bit:

Then I called it a night after a good old fashioned reading of "twas the night before Christmas" by the family. Is anyone else a little scared to death by the realization that big fat people can just shoot down your chimney? I mean, we lock the front door, but I've never seen the old man secure the freakin chimney. What's to stop the entire cast of "The Biggest Loser" to just drop on in and scare the bejesus out of us all? And probably steal all my cheese sticks! These are the thoughts that keep me from moving from my secure crib with bars on it into the "big-boy" bed.

Back to Christmas. What a day!! I got more than I know what to do with. Lot's of cars, and other things that make noise and require the old man to push me around in. Ha-ha. He needs the exercise. Speaking of which, mom must have checked in to the old man's life insurance policy, and it must not exclude drowning, cause she got him surfing lessons. Seriously. He's at least 30 years old, grew up in Michigan, and he's getting on a board in the ocean? I will - I promise you all, be bringing my camera to the beach that day. What is the current payout on America's Funniest Home Video's?

I have to get dressed, we are leaving soon. For a parting shot, he we are/were in front of the first tree we've ever had. Merry Christmas 2008, and Happy New Year 2009!

I wish they all could be California girls....

2008-11-29T14:21:00.008-06:00

What's up, bro? Like, we have totally moved to SoCal, and I am stoked. I do have several things I need to catch the 4 of you that read this up on. I will start with the latest addition to the fam: Miss Caitlin Bailey Dalton.

The attention she gets is something else. You would think I was covered in warts and smelled of manure when that chick is around. She did give us all a little scare before we left Chicago. She had to get a little surgery, and they took out some of her small intestine and her appendix. I have no idea what they did with it after they took it out.....? She is all good now, and has made a full recovery. As usual, the old man didn't catch on, and it took mother's intuition to get her to the hospital. One minute, he was on the couch (doing things and dressed in a manner that this blog does not condone) watching the University of Michigan take yet another beating, the next thing he knows he is spending the night with her at the hospital. In all seriousness, we would all like to thank our neighbors (sadly, old neighbors, the Reynolds) for watching me while they took off. Big Dean's parents, Brad and Stephanie were also great to all of us. We also can't thank enough Dr. Stan Kim and Dr. Kathy Barsness at Children's Memorial for all their help, skill and support. Lastly and not leastly the nurses on the 5th floor took great care of my lil sister, and we all appreciate it. Now that she is all fixed up and healthy, I can resume taking pot shot's at her with the plastic putter that pop-pop Bailey got me. Thanks again, pop-pop!!

We also had a little Halloween candy handout. This year, the old man was kind enough not to draw Charlie Brown's face on the back of my head and walk me around backward with a yellow and black striped shirt. What a guy. No, this year, mom got to choose. This better not make an appearance prior to prom:

The old man had to go to Florida for work for an entire week (so he says), so mom, Grandma Bailey, Caitlin and I headed on down to Kentucky for a week. Little did I know that they were going to put me to work hauling rocks and gardening. Apparently child labor laws are not the same in the "new South" as they are up north. The old man ever tries to put me to work like that and I already have "9-1" pushed on the phone and my finger on "1" ready to go. So while I was down there I got to ride on Pop pops tractor. I learned how to scale a rock wall thanks to my mom. She didn't think I was going to go for it, but I did, and it was fun. Also had a chance to catch up with the rest of the family, lots of relatives drove from all around KY to come visit and see me. OK, maybe they were interested in seeing my little sister, but I still got to rub my great grandpops fuzzy head. He calls me 'wild man' and I'm kind of fond of him.

Then of course, there is the matter of the big move. Now don't get me wrong, there are a LOT of things I am going to miss about Chicago. I will miss watching the old man sweat, say words I don't yet understand and at a volume meant for the outdoors when he is watching the Cubs and Bears. Matter of fact, the old man never did take me to Wrigley Field, and he had season freakin tickets! I guess I will just root for the Padres, and he can...What? Seriously? They are? You will?!

Old man just explained that: 1. The Padres suck. 2. Worse than the Cubs 3. They are in last place 4. He will cut me out of the will
As I was saying - Go Cubbies. He sure has good ears for a guy his age.

I will miss the lincoln park zoo, although from what I understand the one here is supposed to be pretty good too.
I will miss my main man El Grande Dean.
I will miss Emma.
I will miss our neighbors watering can. Old man did buy me one yesterday, however. Gracias.
I will miss the El Train.
I will miss the food. Ever hear of San Diego style pizza? Thought not.
I will miss the bitter cold wind. Putting on 5 layers of clothes to get to the car to go to the store for a gallon of milk. Scraping the windshield. Cold, wet shoes. Road salt. The Eisenhower/Dan Ryan/Edens. Mayor Daley. Todd Stroger. 10.25% sales tax. Actually, that last part is dripping in a "little" sarcasm. Couldn't help it. It's 71 degrees out today!

I know this hasn't been my usual post, but frankly, I'm beat tired. I'm hoping that skipping winter this year will help. I've also been hearing whispers about a fat...errrr... big boned man in a red suit that I need to be on the lookout for. The parental units have promised a Christmas tree this year - the first time they have ever gotten one, as there is no chance - NO CHANCE that they are travelling anywhere this year for Christmas. As far as not having a white Christmas, I'm willing to take my chances that anyone who can get presents around the world to every Christian family can figure out how to make a beach landing! How hard can it be for his crew of elves to figure that out? Not hard, right? RIGHT?!?!

Well, we are settling in here in Encinitas. It is about 20 miles north of San Diego. All that know me are welcome to visit. Any strangers who tripped over this blog and for whatever reason are still reading are hereby warned that the old man is packing heat. We don't want nobody nobody sent.

I'm off to the gym. Beach season is around the corner, and I need to look good for all my sisters friends. Peace out.

JTD

You sure don't know Caitlin!

2008-07-02T13:05:00.004-05:00

Another day, another baby. That's right, I'm officially a big brother now... no biggie. Here is the official info:

Name: Caitlin Bailey Dalton (because they couldn't think of anything more Irish sounding?)

Height: shouldn't this be length? Height implies vertical. Anyways, 19 1/2". Tie.

Weight: 6 lbs 12 oz. Whoah. She got me there, but keep in mind she got more time in the oven.

Hospital: Northwestern. Chicago, IL. Tie.

Hair: brown. I say tie, but she better hope she doesn't get the balding thing that I got.

Eyes: blue/gray. Tough to call, she hasn't opened them much. I'm calling green as permanent color.

Teeth: zero

Fingers: 10. All approximately 7" long. Dad said he wouldn't need the DNA test on her.

Toes: see "Fingers", above.

Favorite Color: Pink. Sweet baby Jesus, there is pink everywhere.

Favorite Professional Sports Team: Bears.

Favorite hobby: sleeping and telling boys to leave her the hell alone.

Spending habits: thrifty

Diaper status: dirty

Time in hospital it took to pee on Dad: 3 minutes, 7 seconds. New Dalton record.

Time it took to be delivered: push time of under ten minutes. New Dalton record.

Favorite person in the world: see picture -

I have some other big news and lots more pics that I'll share later. By the way, if anyone even cares anymore, I'm doing fine. Saying "baby", "cat", "tickle", "help" (don't ask), and "uh-oh" now. I keep getting more teeth, and I think the propecia is working, cause the hair is starting to come in.

Thanks for checking in - JTD

Things that are new. To me anyway.

2008-06-13T06:41:00.010-05:00

Well, well, well. It's been a quite the spring here in Chicago. Since we've last talked, I got:

1. A birthday. I'm "one" now. The news is all over town. I'm now, if you'll pardon the expression, "kind of a big deal". We ate cupcakes at Sweeet Mandy B's - nice.

1.a Cupcakes. I had not had these before. They contain "sugar" - try some people, trust me.

2. I walk. Oh yeah, I can walk. So stop with all the putting me down somewhere thinking I'm just gonna stay there until you are good and ready to interact with me again. From now on, I make that decision!

3. I'm still figuring out the language, but "tickle, tickle", "da-da", "ma-ma", and "help" are now pretty regular items in the act.

4. Bubble baths. Laugh all you want, when is the last time you got to take one?

5. Watermelon! Holy moly is this stuff good!

6. I no longer face backwards in the carseat. Let's non understate the importance of this to me. I now see what you see. So stop cutting me off @%&#*!!!

I need to go check on mom. She is having counter-actions or contraptions or something. I wonder when this "Caitlin" is coming. I need to read that "What to Expect When You Are Expecting" book I've seen laying around. I also hear "head, shoulders, knees and toes" playing out in the living room - gotta go!

JTD

The Flu

2008-03-11T11:37:00.003-05:00

Man.....I can't keep my whipped banannas down! Don't believe me? I have proof!

I'm going to go take a nap now.....

Planes, El Trains and Automobiles

2008-02-24T16:58:00.013-06:00

Hey all you faithful readers! That would be all (3) three of you who check in on this. I have been asking the old man to update this for some time, but he has been gone a lot lately. I'll explain later.

First off, I am not the most spoiled baby in the world. I've seen pictures of the Pitt kids, and come on! But, I will grant you that I have had a pretty nice little first year thus far. The old man packed up the family and put us on a 14 hour flight to Hawaii! It took me a while to figure out what could possibly be worth being stuck in a tube hurtling though dirty air (most of the dirty air on the plane was mine, to be fair to the other passesengers. Except that old guy from Ohio in seat 21B. Pig.) So anyway, it was me, mother, old man, Grandma Bailey and Grandma Dalton. Then Grandma Bailey's friend from Louisville, KY came and met up with us there. She said she was from Louisville, but that woman can't fool me. I've been to the holler, I've heard people talk in the holler, and that woman was from the holler. You might think that with all the natural beauty that Hawaii has to offer, Grandma Bailey's favorite picture might involve a splendid ocean view. Or a volcano? A waterfall perhaps?

Nope, it's her nappy headed son-in-law at the airport:

Notice a couple of things. One, his eyes are closed. Two, I'm not sure if that is the Hawaiin "hang loose" sign or the "Hail Satan" sign he picked up at a Motley Crue concert in 1986. Three, the only bag he brought is on his back. Look close. Four, the aforementioned Sandra Kay's bags are not in this picture. These are straight Dalton bag's, homies.

We got in to Maui in the afternoon, and everybody was pretty beat. We unpacked (took 4 1/2 hours), Grandma Bailey IMMEDIATELY started the washing machine, and I, for the first time, took off crawling! Not on all four's. I have this two arms, one leg thing I like. We went down to the beach, watched a little sunset action, and called it a night. I have NO IDEA what time it was. Jet lag is a bitch, my friends.

So a question for you all. If you were going to go to Maui, what would you want to do on your first day on one of the most beautiful, peaceful islands in the world?

A. Sleep in, eat, nap. Get adjusted to the time change.

B. Grab a towel. Walk to beach. Hammock. Mai Tai. Nap. Pina Colada. Nap. Cold beer. Nap.

C. Hike in to a lush moutain side and swim at the base of a waterfall.

D. Wake up at 3 am and go for a 2 hour drive up a mountain. Bring your gloves, hats and jackets, because at the top of the mountain it will be almost as cold as Chicago, and watch the sun come up. Watch the old man just about have a chest grabber on the way down when he gets stuck behind a group of bicycles cruising down said mountain side.

If you answered "D", you are eligible for an application to become a member of our family!! In all fairness, it was the most beautiful sunrise ever. (Yes, I'm only 10 months old) But check it out. If you click on the picture it get's bigger. The old man took about 14,000 of these. You want more, just ask.

We also went whale watching, and saw a ton of them. Saw a mom and baby whale jump out of the water at the same time. Then we went to a Luau! My first hula girl experience. We drove the road to Hana, stopped at a place where a peacock followed me around, then went to a black sand beach. Mom took the picture, (and apparently is sick of looking at Dad's face) but the sign says it all:

On the next to last day of out trip - a special treat. We had NO PLANS! We let the old man sleep in. Had a nice cheesburger and a beer lunch, went to a nice quiet beach, the parents went snorkeling, and when no one was paying any attention to me, I built a little somethin' somethin'.

Grandma Dalton, Dad and Sandra Kay also took a day off and went over to Oahu to see Pearl Harbor and Waikiki beach.

Well, that is a pretty nice summation of the big vacation. Count yourself lucky. If this was 1974 you would have been hauled up to my condo and been forced to watch some lame slide show while dad drank wild turkey until he fell asleep in the lazy boy and mom went on and on about how the service on the airlines has really gone down hill since they stopped hiring "stewardess' and now have "flight attendants".

If you have read it this far I guess I owe it to you to give you some good news! I was just informed last week that I will have a little SISTER this summer! I am hoping to talk to my cousin Noah soon in the hopes that he can give me some guidance. Dad has been busy preparing. He is up to a green belt in Hapkido, and is up to 2 sessions per week at the firing range with his .45 caliber, semi-automatic that will put a hole in to any son of a... DAD!!! EASY WITH THE LANGUAGE!!! Sorry people, he has been on edge. I know it's going to be tough on him, worrying about "Daddy's little girl". I've tried to comfort him. I've told him. "Dad, it's only one girl. If you raise her with love, attention, and care, I'm sure she will turn out to be a beautiful, intelligent 30 year old virgin on her wedding night." Now, if you had two, three girls to raise, forget about it. All bets are off.

Man, I hope my godfather isn't reading this.

Till next time - 773 fo'ever.

JTD

Tennetucky Christmas 2007

2008-01-19T17:35:00.001-06:00

Ho-Ho-Ho boys and girls! It's my first Christmas! In a nutshell - road trip city. We headed out of Chicago with our Los Angeles friends, the Paxson's, and followed them down to Melanie's house in Champaign. Her parents let us hang out there for a couple of hours, then we continued on to the Grandparents down in Cadiz, Kentucky.

I had been seeing a big boned man (mom says calling people fat is rude) in a red suit around town with kids sitting on his lap. Now, I'm too young to be a cynic, but something didn't smell right in Chicago. A line of kids waiting to sit on an old fat....errr heavy set dude with a long white beards lap? And has anyone else noticed he never seems to change his clothes? Is that the only outfit he's got? One of those 10,000 elves he has working for him can't work in an Armani suit for him? Something in black or with some vertical stripes maybe, to "slim him down"?

Well, I wasn't buying it - UNTIL CHRISTMAS MORNING!!! Check out the cool kid with the trike!

Pretty cool, eh? I didn't see Mr. Claus drop it off, but I was sleeping pretty sound from the trip down there.

I got to meet a lot of new people and see some "old" friends while I was down there, too. The day before Christmas - (I know, I'm skipping around a little in the time line - but CHECK OUT THE TRIKE!) we headed down in to Tennessee to see my Great Uncle Don and Great Aunt Shelby. I also ran in to my cousins:

The next day we were off to Nashville to the house that estrogen built for my very first Christmas dinner! I want to thank all the ladies there who made it possible: Riley, Darbey, Max, Zoe, Sheila, and Christine. Riley is now my second cousin that is younger than I am! They must have been uber good this year, 'cause that Santa dude brought them a freakin' trampoline!!!

There is only one problem with hanging out with this many women - this can happen to you:

Oh, the humanity...

I also got to see Samara and Bobby and this little thing they call a "dog", I think his name is Crockett... something about Davie Crockett? Samara seemed extremely attached to her little guy, kind of like mom is about me.... but for some reason she needed a note from her "doctor" to let Crockett fly on the plane with her. I asked mom if she'd have to get one of those notes for our trip to Hawaii next month? Dad said it is only required if mom was considered "mentally unstable" without me. I kind of think she would be. God knows that Grandma is always trying to sneak me down to KY for a few weeks but mom and dad insist that they'd miss me. I dunno, I kind of think that they could use the sleep.

Oh yeah, that big news I was promising in the last post.... I'm going to be a BIG BROTHER!!! I'm not sure what all this involves, but mom and dad seem pretty excited? Or maybe that is overwhelmed, I'm still trying to figure out all of those faces. Dad keeps muttering something about two in diapers, college funds, space in the condo... blah, blah, blah. All I know is they keep saying something about sharing. What is that all about? Anyway, looks like this will all go down around June 30th, I'll keep you posted. Get it... posted.... I crack myself up.

See ya when I get back from Maui....

JTD

Thanksgiving Gathering

2008-01-19T16:53:00.000-06:00

Thanksgiving. A time to give thanks. A time to reflect. A time to eat like Rosie O'Donnell at an all you can eat Hawaiin luau. A time for relatives to come pouring in to town!!

This year...errr.. technically this is my first year...a lot of the Hall's came in to the big city to come see my dad! They all love him. All they do is talk about how great he is, how smart he is, how good looking he is. It almost goes overboard, but knowing the man as I do, I'd say it's actually a bit understated. Frankly, he deserves it. Anyway, the first to arrive was the other bearded guy - my favorite great uncle from London, A.G. and my favorite great aunt from London, Renee. I could smell the apple pie as soon as their car made it to the other side of Gary, Indiana. I could have gotten wind of it before, what with my powerful sense of smell, but if you've ever driven through Gary, you know what I'm talkin' bout. I am not happy - NOT HAPPY that I am not "old enough" to eat solid foods at this point. It is going to take me years of therapy and hopefully some memory loss to get over not getting to eat some of that Blue Ribbon Apple Pie! Then my Auntie Michelle flew in all the way from Utah. 'Scuse me a second, need to ask dad something:

"Hey old man! Question for you. Has Auntie Michelle converted to Scientology and married Tom Cruise and that guy from Saturday Night Fever? What do you mean wrong religion? OHHH, they are Mormons out there. So has she quit drinking, caffeine and taken up with a man with 6 wives? Not yet? Cool."

What a relief. I was watching this show on Discovery or History channel and it talked about some stuff in Utah.. anyway, she's cool for now. I've got my eye on her, and as soon as I can talk I'm going to have a relocation to the heartland discussion with her!

As if that wasn't cool enough that they showed up, then my Uncle John and Aunt Cathy came over from Detroit City! Uncle John held me for a while, and this time I only sensed fear, not complete petrification. He's coming along! I held off throwing up or going in to a hysterical fit on him this time to lure him in to a false sense of security. Wait till I see him again!! Have your camera's ready...

Of course, Grandma and Grandpa Bailey were here. And, you guessed it, the Reynolds from downstairs came all the way up here to hang out. It is always good to have a surgeon on hand to disect a turkey!

Hang tight, I got more to share about Christmas, and some big news!!!!!

Peace out, homies.

JTD

Happy Halloween!

2007-11-25T08:29:00.000-06:00

Good grief - anyone care to guess who's idea this was?

What a summer!

2007-10-02T16:10:00.000-05:00

Whew! Where does the time go, people? I had the best summer of my life!

I don't even know where to start, so I guess I'll start with what's new.

A list of things that are new. To Me.

1. I'm going to daycare/school. I'm starting to get in to a routine. 5 Days a week I get my parents up (4 am, 5 am, depends on my mood) and then I get a meal and get dressed. Then it's out to the car for a little nap time (sometimes I do, sometimes I don't) on the way up to this place I hang out at while mom and dad are working. I haven't picked a major yet, but I'm strongly considering pre-med. Or art. I have been painting - with both hands AND feet, and while it is generally viewed as abstract, I find the contrasting colors I chose paint a sad commentary on every day life while hinting towards possible salvation.

2. I seem to have a very active salivary gland. Recently I had two "teeth" come in, and if I ain't gnawing on something, I ain't happy. And if I ain't happy, ain't nobody happy, and ain't nobody sleeping. I drool like a St. Bernard in the summer. I drool like a NASCAR fan on a Budweiser factory tour. I drool like schoolgirl front row at a Justin Timberlake concert. I drool like a.....you get the picture. Pictures of said teeth to the side.

3. I can't stop putting on weight! Now, I don't want to sound like some whiny supermodel, but for the love of the Lord! I have DOUBLED - no TRIPLED in weight in the middle of the summer! I have also ventured off the menu and starting eating bananas and sweet potatos, which tend to add to the aroma of my diapers. We don't need to talk about the consistency. What the hell is going to happen to me in the winter if I keep packing on the lb's like this? Rumor has it that it get's cold here, and my walks to the zoo and park are going to be cut back. I go to the doctor next week. I'm going to ask about gastric bypass.

4. I got baptized! Now this was pretty cool. I got all dressed up, and all my granparents came to see me! Plus, I got Godparent's - Uncle Chris and Aunt Sheila. It was nice of them to make the trip up from Nashville, especially considering Aunt Sheila is pregnant with their 9th girl.

I'll try and keep you all posted on new things a little more regularly. I have to get going.

writer's block

2007-07-23T20:19:00.000-05:00

I know, I know. I haven't written in a while. I've been really busy - what with learning how to roll over, realizing when I grunt and coo that the tall people hear it (and look really, really childish when they imitate me) and looking over day care options that my schedule is just straight up jam packed. I've only been on one road trip since the last update - and that is where I'll pick up.
First of all, my father repeated over and over in the car on the way to KY (that's short for Kentucky) that he is an admitted idiot. I am reserving judgment on that for the time being, but he did screw up. Since dad had to go to a week long meeting for work in Florida, mom and I decided it would be best if we stayed with Oma and PaPa down in Cadiz. We took off for Cadiz at 9:30 pm on Saturday night, and got down to Oma's at about 5 am. We then took dad down to Nashville so he could fly down to a meeting in Florida. He seemed a little TOO happy to be leaving us for that long - something about getting 8 hours of sleep - IN A ROW!?! Who sleeps 8 hours in a row?! Bears in hibernation maybe? I won't go in to a lot of details, but I did have a good time down there. But dang!! Could it BE more humid in KY? At the end of the week we drove back down to Nashville to pick up the old man at the airport. We then headed over to my cousins house - (which, by the way, is HUGE) to chill out for a couple days. Uncle Chris and Aunt Sheila have also informed me that I have another cousin coming, which would be their fourth kid!! Sweet baby Jesus, dad! Are they Catholic? Oh. Well then, that explains it. Wait a second, aren't WE Catholic? I sure as heck don't think we can fit 4 more kids in this place? I digress. Bottom line - Uncle Chris is going to be drowning in estrogen. I might get him a urinal for Christmas this year. I already have a boy cousin my age - Ryan. What do I need with another guy? This chick (we need to start thinking of names. Please submit your suggestions in the comments section of this post. Feel free to be creative, and keep in mind - FOUR girls, no boys, last name "Marczak". I'm thinking "Bob". Or "The Last".) is going to have to help me out as I get older. Thanks, Chris. You 'da man!!!
Other highlights of the last few weeks - mom went back to "work". Dad told me she is a director of financial things at SBHC. DAD - What does mom do again?! He has no clue.

The first few days she went back Grandma Dalton came over from Michigan to hang with me. She also brought my cousin Noah, who is seven. He pointed out to me that when I am 14 he will be of legal buying age. I like Noah. A lot. Whatever you need, my brother! We got to hang out, toss the football and baseball around, and play with my neighbor, Emma.

After that, Oma and PaPa came on up to see me, and mom's cousin Rachel came too! She is super nice, and was super tired. Now I know who sleeps 8 hours - 12 year old girls!!!! She LOVED our couch! She was great to have around though. She clearly knows more about taking care of the likes of me than my own parents do. She got to go to a Cubs game with PaPa and Thursday mom took off a day to take us all down to the museum. Dad worked. I slept. Whatever.

Speaking of being Catholic - I have GREAT news! I have been informed that I am going to be baptized on September 23rd. If you know me, come on over! If you don't know me or my parents or grandparents and you are reading this - please don't come. You are creeping me out.

Well, I gotta get back to it. Actually, to be honest, I don't. I'm just making an excuse to stop typing. I am hoping to get back over to the zoo this week. Oma likes taking me there, and the monkey's pee on people. I feel a kinship.

Till next time - word to your mother.

Why'my tawkin' funny now????

2007-06-21T19:13:00.000-05:00

Hey y'all. Sorry for the late post, but I reckon I was plum tuckered out from my recent road trip. Daddy and Maw packed me up and took me back to my Momma's-Momma's roots. We left on Friday, and headed on down from Illinois (state #1) through Indiana (#2) to Kentucky for a couple of nights (#3), then on down to Tennessee (#4) and hiked on over to North Carolina (#5)! We seriously had a great trip. I'll try to recrap - sorry, dirty diaper putting thoughts in to my head. DAD - COME TAKE CARE OF THIS!!
Sorry about that. What was I saying? Oh yeah, a recap.
We took off on Friday afternoon and drove straight through to London, KY where my Great Uncle A.G. and Great Aunt Renee now live. Pretty uneventful trip, as once again I was forced to ride in the back seat. To make matters worse, apparently no one is picking up what I'm saying, cause the seat they put me in faces backwards. You ever get in a car and drive 8 hours facing a black leather seat situated 8 inches from your face? Not the most entertaining view, I can assure you. Frankly, I had had enough after about 6 hours. I waited until I saw a sign - scratch that, I couldn't see anything. I waited until I heard my dad say he saw a sign saying something to the effect of "Get off here, you idiot. Your baby is starting to fuss, and if you don't pull over to feed him now, he is going to wail bloody murder until the next exit - which is at least 10 miles away. When you get to that next exit, the only building visible will have a giant neon sign that says "ADULT BOOK STORE", at which time you will consider the all too likely possibility of some nut job sitting in the parking lot DREAMING of some yuppie couple pulling up in an suv with a mother pulling her shirt off to feed her 8 week old baby and give him something to fantasize about until he goes to his dirty grave." True to form, dad ignored the sign. I cranked up the volume to 11 to let the closest lactating woman near me know I was hungry just as my mom was on the phone with her cousin John asking if they wanted to (I swear to you) share a hotel room with us! My dad and I (and John and Cathy) got a HUGE laugh out of that! The tall people all decided to just drive straight on through, and we got in about midnight.
The next day was SWEET! My feet never touched the ground. Everyone wanted a piece of the Jack-man on Saturday. My Aunt Cathy and Oma Bella kept sneaking me away from each other like I was a piece of chocolate at a weight watchers meeting. Then the guest of honor showed up, my Great Granpa John Hall. He kept callin' me Little Feller. I kind of liked it. We even took a cool picture of the 4 generations and a picture of the whole lot of us, which you can see to the side. Because my dad can't figure out how to post it here. Or do a slide show. I can't wait to see the look on his face when I ask him where baby's come from. I digress.
A lot of people took time out of their weekend to drive in to meet me, and I am really, really honored and happy that they did. As you can see in the picture, my Great Grandpa John came over from the holler with my Great Aunt Jennifer and Bobby. My Great Aunt Cathy was there, along with my cousins John and Cathy Hall from Detroit. And you know my Pa-Pa Eddie and Oma Luci were there from Cadiz, KY., where I am going this coming week. My Great Uncle A.G. and Great Aunt Renee did a really, really nice job of making food and putting us up. DANG - I almost forgot! They had giant horses and Belted Irish Galloway cows too! One of the giant horses....what? Oh, I've just been informed the horses are actually Miniature horses. DAD - HOW BIG ARE REGULAR HORSES? Whoa. Can't wait to see those. Anyway, A.G. seems especially fond of the one named Trigger.
We said goodbye and left London on Sunday to head down to Gatlinburg with Pa-Pa and Oma for the rest of the week. On Tuesday I got to meet my cool cousins Max, Zoe and Darby. (and their parents Chris and Sheila) They are really nice, and I'm hoping they will teach me how to meet chicks in a couple of years. It looked to me like I'm going to have another cousin soon from what Darby told me. She thinks she is getting a little sister - we shall see!
Gatlinburg itself was..... Do you like flapjacks? If so, I recommend you high tail it on down to the greater Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge metropolitan area. They love them some flapjacks down there, boy. And flip-flops. And getting married.
There was a lot to do, and little time to get it done. We hit up an outlet mall where my father exploited me to meet southern women in front of the Coach store. The look on his face when a southern woman warmly asks him "oh, what a beautiful baby! How old is he?" was like an 8th grader being told by the senior captain of the cheerleading squad he is a hottie. Which, per my dad, never happened to him in real life. Pathetic, really. However, when my grandpa saw how well his little ploy was working he started asking to carry me around a lot more too. We all played mini-golf where the tall people were trounced by my cousins. We also went to "Ober Gatlinburg" where you ride a tram specifically designed to make pregnant women nauseous a few thousand feet in to the mountains where they have lots of water rides, sledding, and a pirate ship. Much fun was had by all. Until the way down, where much fun was had by all non-pregnant people. Before we left, we did do a little driving up in to and hiking in the great smokey mountains. We hiked on the Appalachian trail, which is the TN and NC border. I think it's where they build NASCAR's too. I got strapped in (picture to the side until the old man figures out how to do this. If you know how, please send him instructions) and we hiked in 4 miles to Charlie's Bunion. The most beautiful place I've ever been. Granted, I'm only 2 months old, but still....
We stopped back at AG and Renee's on the way home, then straight on back to sweet home Chicago. I have been informed (apparently I missed the vote) that I will be heading on down to Cadiz, KY and Nashville, TN next week for a visit. Maybe dad will take me to a honkey tonk?

Road trip!

2007-06-02T11:32:00.001-05:00

Just got back from my first interstate road trip. I got back to my parents roots and headed to Michigan for a couple of days. Mom, Oma Bella (that is grandma Bailey's new nickname) and I left dad at home (something about a "job" and putting a roof over my head, food on the table, blah-blah-blah) and headed over to Detroit City to see some old (new for me) friends.

We drove over on Tuesday, stopping to see my Uncle Tommy's memorial at his old high school. They put in a cool plaque and a new oak tree in his honor. Then we were off to Mike, Alisha, and Brandon's house. They have a dog, and birds (For the record - I've been looking around my place, and we seem to have neither.) Mike made a great dinner for everyone , but I passed and stuck with my favorite meal. I say if it ain't broke don't fix it. BTW - Mike's cooking was so good that we were able to relive the experience the whole next day... more on that later.

The next morning we were off to Stoney Creek to do some long six mile walk. My mom is crazy, her whole pregnancy she walked and walked, now I'm out and she is still walking. What is with her? Then we got to go to Meijer's to see some of Oma Bella's friends. They seemed nice, but NOT ONE OF THEM gave me ice cream. There was also a pretty cool pony named "Sandy" I got my eye on for the next time I go to Meijer's. I think I can ride her for at least 8 seconds.

Wednesday we headed back towards Chicago, but stopped on the way in Paw Paw (the town so nice they named it twice), MI to see my Uncle Steve, Aunt Jennifer, my cousins Noah, Belle, and Ryan, and as an added bonus, Grandpa and Grandma Dalton were there! Score! Lot's of pictures were taken, and if dad can figure out how to post a slide show (so far, he can not) I'll let you all take a look. By the way, if any of you think it might be a good idea to try and change a baby's diaper in a car (aka, a Hillbilly Diaper Change), ask Oma Bella how that worked out for her, her pants, and my mom's back seat....I found that the only option missing on Mom's new car is gas masks. I've written to Bill Ford to see that this get considered for the 2008 Model year.

Since I've gotten back home I've been sleeping a lot. Funny story - this morning I fell asleep on dad's arm, and he was so scared that if he moved I would cry uncontrolably that he let his arm fall asleep and watched 45 minutes of an info-mercial rather than wake me. He finally couldn't take it anymore, snuck me in to my "crib" and I kept sleeping. For 3 minutes. I let it be know that that kind of trickery will not be tolerated. Mom (Tiffany) had gone to the gym for the first time in months, so dad and I were home alone. Kind of like a dog, I smelled fear on him.

That's about it for now. We are leaving Friday for my next road trip. We are driving down to London, KY to meet a whole lotta people and small farm animals, then down to Gatlinburg, TN to meet up with the Marczak family. Apparently their hobbies include: travel, cooking, reading, and breeding. Can't wait to meet them!

So...You Want to Know Jack?!

2007-05-29T16:04:00.003-05:00

You don't know Jack!!
But, you will soon enough.

This blogging thing is all new to me, so you'll have to excuse any spel-ing arrors, but give me break - I'm not even 6 weeks old! My old man thought it would be a good idea to put some thoughts out there to cyberspace and keep you all in the loop on what's going on. You know, what colleges I'm looking at, my thoughts on supply side economics, peace in the middle east, that kind of stuff.

Hang on - be back in a minute....

I'm back. Dirty diaper. It happens.

Anyway, for those who have already forgotten, I showed up at Northwestern University Hospital here in Chicago on April 19, 2007. My dad keeps whining about how no one is going to remember his birthday anymore, but come on, he's like 80 now. Let it go. Per my mom, everything went great and her and I both feel fine. She seem to be tired all the time however. Not sure why. It's not like I need her all the time, but when I need something half the time she comes and gets me she has the look of a zombie. I mean, I have been sleeping the vast majority of my short life!

What else? So far my "likes" include:
The Chicago Cubs (my dad made me write this)
Breasts
Staying up late
Getting up early
Staring off in to space contemplating the meaning of life
Breasts

Dislikes:
St. Louis Cardinals (what is with him?)
Green Bay Packers (!?)
Not getting a solid 18 hours of sack time per day
Dirty diapers
Hunger pains

Well, that is a pretty good start. I have to go. Mom is taking me on my first official road trip. We are off to Detroit to see some friends, and apparently on the way home I am going to meet my cousins Noah, Belle, and my new cousin Ryan. I'm actually older than him! Can't wait to meet them. I heard they have a dog - LUCKY!

Talk to y'all later.
Jackson

p.s. I learned "y'all" from my mom's side of the family